so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
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