Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize