Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
