I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
