Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
