he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
