Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
