my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
