then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
