we're chasing vodka with high fives
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
