I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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