you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
