She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
