Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
