Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
