Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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