Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
