Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
