goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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