I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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