go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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