you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
