dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
