If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
