Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
