Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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