I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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