i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
