aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
