....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
