He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
