Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
