I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
