OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
