I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
