How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
