Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
