I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
