two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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