How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
