I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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