i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
