I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
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