i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
