Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
