it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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