This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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