omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
