Can i not drive my cunt home
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
