my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
