the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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