I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
