I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize