As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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