I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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