$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
