Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
