I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
