i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
