i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
