So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize