OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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