You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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