You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
