So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
