I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
