Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
