We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
