Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
