my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
