I think I can smell my own vagina right now
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
