did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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